


15 and Counting

by YouarethereasonIwrite



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Bring some tissues, Car Accidents, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4222857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouarethereasonIwrite/pseuds/YouarethereasonIwrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"These love poems I've written for you; I've been sending them for 15 years, and still no reply... Still no reply..." - "Love Letters to Him"</p>
            </blockquote>





	15 and Counting

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! I think there was like a Kikuro month/week prompt thing going on?? Like I remember ppl doing it for Akakuro and I didn't participate in it. This is just self indulgent, like I'm not writing for a challenge, etc... Idk if anyone wrote an AU (UA?) for this pairing (or even fandom), but this has been in the back of my mind (and folders) for like the past few months @u@ Hopefully you'll enjoy it, but tbh, I wish there was more angst.. ://
> 
> My fics are always un'betad but if you see like a major mistake or something, then go ahead and call me out on it. I'll fix it as soon as I can :0
> 
> I don't own like half of the story because there are quotes from a USUK doujinshi called "Love Letters to Him"/ "A Clingy Boy Stuck For 15 Years". All the quotes (almost all the italics) are not mine. Everything else is.
> 
> PS. Sorry for the weird format??? It looks a lot better on mobile than on the computer so :///

_"The first year I was reckless: I wrote every day without fail..."_

Kise scribbled down his signature on yet another letter he was writing for his beloved. He finished up his work by sticking it into an envelope and sealing it with a swipe of his tongue. The blonde shuddered in disgust at the weird taste and sensation, wrinkling his nose. When he was done, he stacked the letter on top of his pile; about 16 letters were all sealed up and ready to go!

"Now just for the stamps..." He said aloud, as if his words would reach his beloved (with the wind), who was traveling so far away. Surveying his hard work, the previous model rolled out his stamps and began licking the blank side of them. He had to force down the gross feeling though. This was all for his gorgeous lover, a beautiful phantom dancing across his memories like a dark silhouette in the moonlight.

_"I licked stamps relentlessly, delivering my heart to you."_

__

Time travelled by quickly and Kise still continued to write letters each day (at least 20), each filled with his thoughts of love towards his lover, and the daily mundane routine the blonde dealed with everyday. He would send all the letters in _his_  favorite mailbox, one that was a sky blue, a mirror that reflected the endless blue above and reminded Kise solely of his phantom's unruly locks and steely eyes. He would sigh dreamily, like a drunk in love, stuffing his musing in the form of cursive words and silly heart emoticons into the mailbox that his lover especially adored, which in turn made Kise adore as well.

_“I was reckless the second year as well..."_

__

The tall former basketball player smiled, particularly absorbed in the tale he recalled from another basketball match with his two friends, Aomine and Kagami. He eagerly jotted down more descriptions of what happened during their match, which involved a police officer, two basketballs, and a van. Laughing to himself, he didn't notice anything strange until he smelled something funny. It was also becoming quite hot in his room, which was weird seeing as the air conditioning was on.

_"Even the house catching on fire couldn't get my attention..."_

__

He yelped. There was an alarmingly close burning smell that the blonde suddenly realized was coming from the inside of his house, and Kise quickly gathered up all his letters before barging out through his window. Luckily, he was on the first floor of his house. Unluckily, his house was nearly burned to the ground (but nothing he couldn’t fix with the savings from his model career), with his neighbors screaming and the noisy sirens of the ambulance and firetruck combined blaring across the neighborhood.

"Kise-san...!" An elderly old woman worriedly rushed over to him. She eyed him up and down and quickly slung her parka over his body. He didn't realize he was shaking from the invasive wind catching through his ruffled, ashy hair and bare skin.

_"My clothes caught fire from the bottom up. I didn't notice until only my collar was left."_

__

"Kise, what were you thinking?!" Midorima Shintarou cried in frustration. He was a doctor now, and would check up on his ditzy, air headed friend whenever he could (all of Kise's friends made it a habit to do so, what with the blonde's naive and oblivious nature coupled with his reckless actions). Kise merely blinked up from his work as he elegantly wrote down another poem for his blog. He had been creating a lot more poetry ever since he found out he could, which only his lover could bring out. And his blog was flourishing impressively! Kise knew his phantom would be proud of him!

_"In the third year, I calmed down. I reached the limits of literature. I published a Mixi diary and maxed out the hit counter!"_

__

"I'm serious, Kise." The doctor sighed and fixed his glasses, a nervous habit the male could never grow out of. "I'm glad you're expanding your horizons and becoming a poetry writer, but your stunt a year ago was dangerous enough! I just don't want you to be stuck in this house forever, writing like your life depends on it." _But, it's for him_ , Kise thought as he continued writing without looking up.

"Thanks, Midorima. I knew deep down you cared." Kise teased without even leaving his sight from the poem he spun on blank paper. Midorima rolled his eyes and sighed fondly. No one would let go of how he used to be a "tsundere".

"Whatever. I'll check up on you again." _It's what he would want,_  is the unspoken words Midorima inhales into his being and exhales out again like evaporating mist. The green haired male's orbs slide over to the picture frame with fake clouds decorating it. Two matching, warm smiles greeted his eyesight and he sighed once more. A soft prayer on his lips, the doctor lets himself out of the quiet home. The blonde doesn't even peer up as the door closes the sunlight behind, leaving shadows to flit across the house.

_"The fourth year, I wrote for a magazine. I addressed social issues."_

__

“I'm glad your time in school is finally coming back to you!" The excited shrill of Kise Ryouko greeted Kise's ear as he balanced the phone between his shoulder and ear. His eyes never strayed from the pale pages as the pencil flew across, flawlessly building and etching a story into the whiteness.

“Uh huh." Kise blandly responded. A sigh from the call.

"But, Ryouta... Don't you think... Well, don't you think this a bit... Unlike you?" Kise blinked, pencil steadying against his hand in a stunned pause.

"Eh?"

"Well, I just... I just always thought you wanted to be a model, or even a pilot... Not like there's anything wrong with being a poet!" She backtracked with a panicky voice. Kise slowly started his writing once more as his sister's static sigh filled his ear. "I'll always be supportive of your choices, little brother, please know that." Her loud, boisterous voice returned in all her fake cheer as she rambled on about the past and how "her little brother used to be so cute". Kise replied in various hums of his throat and small noises to indicate he was still listening (even if he wasn't).

"I have to get back to work, Ryouko. I'll talk to you later though."

“O-oh! Okay then! Just remember to eat well and stay hydrated! Get some sleep as well, my dear brother! Call mother when you get the chance! I'll talk to you later!"

"Yeah. Bye." Kise ended the call and went back to working.

_"I decided to release a poetry collection and turned my back on being a model."_

__

"These love poems I've written for you, I've been sending them for 15 years, and still no reply... And still no reply."

"Akashi?" Kise asked, takin in the intimidating redhead in all his suit and briefcase glory. The CEO to the Akashi Corporations nodded professionally, occasionally eyeing his watch or phone (or both at the same time).

"Ryouta." He acknowledged with a nod and a light swing of the bouquet of daisies in his other hand. Kise blinked owlishly at them, a small, tender smile playing on his lips.

"What brings you here, Akashi?"

"I can't come visit an old friend I haven't seen for four years?" Akashi quipped back and that instantly shut Kise's mouth. "Anyway, I came to congratulate you on your award for this year's number one author/poet. I didn't think you would choose to become a poet, but it seems things are going well on your end." Akashi handed the bouquet of innocence to the blonde, who gingerly held it in his hands like one would hold a precious treasure. With all too knowing eyes, Akashi insisted on a dinner meeting with him and the rest of the former GoM before making a grand exit right after nodding at the picture frame on Kise's desk. Kise sighed almost shakily, staring down at the bundles of white flowers. He traced a pure snow petal with a gentle finger before setting it down in front of his beloved picture frame and deciding to start on another new work for his new career.

_"By the fifth year, I was a professional poet. I captivated women aged 20-34. But since I was so dedicated, they might as well be radishes to me."_

 

"Kise-san, another question, please!" A desperate reporter called out after Kise announced he would be on hiatus for a while. The blonde plastered on his famous model smile at the female reporter, who blushed up to her ears at his attention.

“Yes?"

"Why are you going on hiatus? Is it like the rumors said? About you leaving work to spend time with your lover?" Kise tensed at the question, and he stared down at his feet before answering, his eyes closed to conceal the painful truth.

"No. I do have a lover, but they wouldn't want me to leave work just for them. They are unselfish... And kind..." Kise reopened his eyes as the room grew silent for a moment.

"Then is your work inspired by your lover? And who is this special person?" A nosy reporter started up another barrage of questions and Kise wished that the meeting would just end already.

“Yes. They inspire me everyday to try my hardest and to write these poems. They are my inspiration, and I wouldn't be here today without them. As for their identity, I would much rather not reveal for their sake..."

_"The sixth year, my body broke down. I'd written more than 2000 poems, I'd broken nearly every bone in my body, and all of my organs were damaged."_

__

Kise sensed a feeling of déjà vu as Midorima muttered angrily to himself as he checked through Kise's report from the nurse. The doctor finally glanced up to his patient, only to glare at the famous poet and tap his polished shoes against the clear ground.

"What did I tell you?!" He exclaimed, rubbing his temples with a groan. Kise sheepishly grinned, his fingers itching to write another letter to his beloved…

"I'm sorry." The blonde offered, but the bespectacled man was having none of it. He scoffed.

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't be here! What would Kuroko think of you now?!" At his slip up, Midorima's red fuming face paled completely at the forbidden name. He cleared his throat, fixing his doctor's coat as he tried not to meet the blank, almost watery gaze in golden orbs. Kise cast his eyes down with shame. Midorima was right. What would kuroko think of him? He would be disappointed, that's for sure.

"You're right." Kise said sadly, clenching his fists against the dumb blue gown he had to wear that reminded him too much of the vivid, horrifying past and too little of his lover's bright smiles pointed at him and the gleam in sky blue eyes.

"Kise..." Midorima started, glancing around everywhere desperately in an attempt to not drown in guilt from those droopy eyes.

"I'm sorry...." "It's okay. Midorima's right. Tetsu--" he flinched, "Tetsuya would be disappointed in me." The blonde corrected himself and sat back against the hard pillows. Midorima studied him with an unreadable gaze before pushing his glasses up, his forest orbs hidden behind the gleam of the hospital lights.

"You have a few visitors. I'll come check on you in a bit. In the meantime," Midorima fixed him a stern look, "don't do anything rash." With that, the green haired male walked out the door, exchanging pleasantries with other people before his voice faded away into the chaos of the hospital. Kise closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the tasteless smell from the hospital. His ears twitched as he heard a pair of loud and rough footsteps coming in through the door.

“Ah, Kise-chin is up." Murasakibara Atsushi greeted, waving lazily with his two signature plastic bags filled with snacks sloshed around with his sluggish movements. Kise smiled and opened his shut eyes.

“Hi, Mura-kun!" He greeted back, trying hard not to strain his broken limbs. The purple haired giant nodded and stuck another lollipop in his mouth.

“How's the food, Kise-chin?" Which basically translated to "how are you?". Kise shook his head and chortled.

"Pretty bad." Murasakibara scrunched up his nose at the thought of bad food and shot a sympathetic look to his hospitalized friend.

“Here." The giant placed two bags of chips on top of Kise's stomach with a lazy smile. "Get better, Kise-chin." The blonde's smile grew wider.

I will."

_"In the seventh year, I was in perfect shape..."_

__

With a loud groan and stretch, Kise smiled before his favorite materials: pieces of paper, a pencil, an eraser, stamps, and envelopes. Now that he was finally out of the hospital, the male was able to stretch and do things again! And since his wrists and arms were no longer in casts, the blonde was finally able to continue sending his faithful messages to his wandering phantom. It had been a long time since he last placed a neat envelope in the blue mailbox and he wanted nothing more than the satisfaction of delivering yet another piece of his heart successfully to his lover.

_"Today I'll compare you to something. Maybe you're like extreme ironing. Maybe you're like a compound inner product space..."_

__

With those thoughts in mind, Kise began the only thing that would make him happy: writing letters in the form of poems that would reach his lover's heart.

_"I didn't change in the eighth year. Today I'll compare you to something. Maybe you're like being undefeated in 16 sumo matches. Maybe you're like an ampa glutamate receptor..."_

__

The slight breeze filtered in through the open window and the famous poet breathed in the fresh scent. He loved the fresh air and the warm sunlight streaming in, undeterred by the transparent white curtains Tetsuya insisted on buying for their house. Kise's lips upturned at the edges and he drummed his pencil against the wooden desk to a familiar beat that had his pulse thumping and his mind racing. He loved sunny days. It always reminded him of Tetsuya and him, how his lover represented the beautiful clear sky and he was the sun that shone through the atmosphere and sky and onto the earth below it. Tetsuya would always smile endearingly, a glint of amusement sparkling in the sky like invisible stars waiting for the night time. Kise sighed, cupping his cheek with his palm and watching the nature around him sway to the breeze, sunlight showering down on the grass, its hands up in the air to greedily grab at the rays.

"Even today, I miss you..." He recited aloud; it was the last sentence he would always write down in the letter (which would sometimes merely just be a regular letter instead of a poem).

"These love letters I've written for you; I've been sending them for 15 years, and still no reply... And still no reply."

The busy streets of Tokyo buzzed with chatting people, followed by splashes against the pavement from the passing by cars that caused a wave of water to wash upon the sidewalk. It was a unique day, for the weather was stormy and the usual, beautiful clear blue skies were covered by raging thunder clouds, which the weatherman reported just that very morning. Kise, disguised with a midnight wig and his face partially hidden by a golden hat and matching ice blue scarf, strolled leisurely with the wind. He ignored the observant gawks from fangirls alike (those girls were too afraid to approach a random stranger who could possibly not be Kise Ryouta) and whistled a merry tune. It was rare for him to be separated from the lovely grass painted house on top of the hill that everyone knew about, and it was even rarer for the male to be whistling, let alone a cheerful song. It was a unique day, indeed.

Kise cherished the warmth from his scarf, burrowing his mop of black further into the comforting smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a combination that stimulated his memory of the fall, with crunchy, colorful leaves, a beaming smile that was brighter than the sun itself, and a dog barking in the background. He sighed against the mist, the wetness clinging to his skin like the fallen memories lazily hanging around his head. The blonde relished in the slight drizzle of rain, which had many others ducking into buildings and under umbrellas to avoid the wet drops. Kise, on the other hand, loved the serene feeling of water dripping down his face. He felt clean. And for the first time in several years, he smiled. The water smoothly raced down his face as he crossed the street, his eyesight keenly watching more drops landing harshly against the cement.

Due to his distraction, he didn’t notice until last minute that a car was speeding uncontrollably fast against the slick street, and was hurling its way towards his unsuspecting body. Kise glanced up, his thoughts wandering to the phrase “caught like a deer in headlights”, before everything turned black. There were shadows dancing across his vision and he absolutely loved it. The poet grimaced in pain, but everything was slowly starting to leak out of his mind, as if the water was cleaning his sins away. When the black dots ceased its grasp on his golden eyes, he heard everything all at once. People screaming, sirens blaring, cars honking, it was all too familiar, all too real. At one last glance at the blue sky melting away the dark clouds, he shut his eyes, the sticky drizzle falling down his bangs. A small smile flit on his face, a reminder of the past that remained unforgiving and harsh.

 _I miss you,_ he mouthed, and allowed himself to descend from the clouds.

_“The ninth year, I was in an accident.”_

__

“He’s waking up! Someone get Dr. Midorima!” Groggily, the patient blinked away the last drops of sleep, which clutched tighter onto him as a wave of exhaustion and slight pain struck at his body.

“I’m here. How is he?” The voice sounded almost familiar, and the patient finally opened his eyes all the way, golden orbs fixating on a green haired male (was that natural?) who frantically flipped through a clipboard before meeting his eyes. The patient mumbled something. His throat ached and his mouth tasted nasty.

“Shh. He’s trying to say something!” The doctor commanded, irritation clear on his long face. The bespectacled male focused solely on his friend, anxiety flowing through his system.

“W-who are you?” A male nurse with raven hair gasped. Even Midorima, with his usual grumpy face spazzed before morphing into a largely concerned frown.

“...Do you remember what your name is?”

_“Apparently I hit my head badly. I forgot my own name.”_

__

“No…” He gasped, eyes wide with panic. “N-no. No! Who am I?!” He screeched, hands going up to his head to pound some sense back into himself. The male nurse instantly reached his side and carefully held the blonde’s hands in his own. He gently shushed the patient with soothing words and calm promises. The blonde glanced up again in worry, his golden orbs wide as saucers.

“Kise, it’s okay. Your name is Kise Ryouta and you are a famous poet. You’re 34 years old with two older sisters and a mother and father. Everything will come back eventually…” The raven soothed. Midorima watched on, a sorrowful look in his eyes. He had broken his promise with one of his closest friends, and he knew now that Kise forgot his current predicament, the moment he remembered… Midorima fixed his glasses, clutching onto the clipboard in a vice like grip.

“W-where is he?” The doctor snapped his head back up at the timid sound. Kise quickly surveyed the area, and once he noticed no one that fit the description in his head, he teared up.

“Kise…” The raven murmured sadly.

“Where is he?! Where is the one I love the most?!” He resorted to screaming his head off in panic, and the other nurses had to physically restrain him as he wildly thrashed around. The blonde sobbed, wanting nothing more than to see his special person… He couldn’t remember his name though… He couldn’t remember his most precious person’s name, and for that, more panic began to well in his heart. How could he forget the name that spilled out of his lips daily? How could he forgot such an ethereal being in the form of his lover, who always fondly smiled at him, with pale cheeks painted in rose pink, and those scorching azure eyes gazing up at him with love. Kise screamed in frustration.

_“All I remember was that I loved you.”_

__

Throughout his time in the hospital, Kise couldn’t remember his lover’s name. He knew the short, pale man with matching sapphire eyes and messy hair, was his most beloved. Sometimes, in his dreams, he can hear a soft bell like chime, one which he recognized as his beloved’s voice. It was so beautiful, like this being was from a completely different world. Kise would wake up afterwards, a sense of longing lodged in his throat as he glanced out the window, and watched the puffy white clouds go by. He was making great progress, according to his nurse, who he later remembered as Takao Kazunari, his close friend’s husband.

_“My memory didn’t come back the tenth or eleventh year.”_

__

“Home at last.” Kise breathed in the familiar, lingering scent of something sweet, like the baked goods his mother used to make when he was just a young boy. Unfortunately, the poet’s mystery lover still hadn’t graced his memories, so he was stuck with the same image of the phantom, sometimes flipped around so golden orbs could only see the back of the slim body. Kise walked around the rooms, looking around to see if anything changed whilst he was gone. Other than a small amount of dust, the blonde found nothing. He didn’t even try to stop the strong emotion of disappointment at the bottom of his stomach.

The male walked past a shut door, sunlight streaming out from under its crack at the bottom. He stored the curiosity from the closed door in his brain for later. For now, his gut was telling him to go outside into the backyard...

When he stepped outside, the colorful garden moved with the wind, as if waving a “hello” to their master. Kise ignored the beautifully kept greenery and walked towards a light blue mailbox, that stuck out like a sore thumb. With graceful strides, he reached the mailbox in no time. He already remembered that he would write love letters to his lover and stick them in the teal mailbox. Heart pumping vigorously against his rib cage, the blonde opened up the mailbox, to see what was inside. He sighed with a crestfallen frown. Nothing. The same longing from the hospital, and from deep inside his heart panged onto his body. He felt bitter distress, but swallowed it down along with the bile in his mouth.

 

_“But I still loved you. And all I wanted was a reply from you.”_

__

Kise jolted awake from his bed, the hand woven wolf quilt falling off his sweaty body from the sudden movement. He glanced around, taking in his surroundings and noticing that his bed empty, once again. The blonde groaned and slumped back down into the covers, wrapping himself up to preserve what little heat he had in the blankets.

He had dreamed of clear skies, and the park close to his house, which was where he was in his dream. The haunting lilt of his voice echoed in the trees, and Kise spun around in excitement to catch a glimpse of his lover. He was greeted by the sight of the same artic blue haired man, who sat down on the bench with a husky dog sitting at his feet. When those mesmerizing cornflower eyes blinked up at him, Kise broke out into contagious, gleeful chortles before launching his body at the shorter man. Right when his arm touched the other’s side, the pale male began to disappear. With a strained smile, Kise watched with horrified eyes as his lover became the phantom the blonde always thought he was, until all that was left was the last of his words before the air swallowed the male up, leaving behind nothing but sunlight.

“The room.” Was what his phantom said. Instantly, the clear skies were replaced with the night sky, until the night sky transformed into a gray, barren place. Kise wandered around the empty void, yelling out his lover’s name in an attempt to find him through the smoke. Tendrils of gray streaked across his sight as he finally found a shadow, one which turned out to be his lover. He ran over to his beloved, calling out his name, and caught the other’s back. Without another warning, screeching of tires filled the air, and all Kise saw before reality ripped him from his dream induced state, was his hand reaching out to his own body.

_“My memory didn’t come back the twelfth or thirteenth year. But, I still loved you.”_

__

Kise easily discovered that the door to the room his beloved was whispering about in his dream, turned out to be locked. And wherever he looked, the key was nowhere in sight. He sighed in frustration, wanting desperately to just finally remember his lover, and wondering where the phantom was. The mystery was still unanswered and when he asked his friends about it, all they gave him were tight lipped smiles and downcast eyes. Kise didn’t have any other clue, and he hated himself for being so forgetful.

_“That was all I had.”_

__

All he knew was that he loved the nameless phantom. All he knew was that in his recurring dreams, he would dream of nothing but the past, of his beloved phantom embracing him with kind words and warm eyes that dispelled the increasing depression in his heart. Kise loved his phantom, and he would stop at nothing until he remembered the man so he could search for him.

 

_“Even by the fourteenth year, it still had not come back. I was anxious and frightened every day.”_

 

It was driving him nuts. It seemed like all of his memories (from the good to the bad) were back, so why couldn’t he say his lover’s name like he’d known it all his life? Why couldn’t he taste the sweet meaning of his life on his tongue and reminisce on everything his lover meant to him? He was so damn furious, mainly with himself, that he forced himself to calm down outside. With an angry grunt, Kise kicked one of the rose bushes. He flipped around in shock and guilt after realizing what he did, and raced back into the house. But not before a shiny gleam of gray glinted in the corner of his eye.

By the time he had calmed down, however, he completely forgot the small glint and carried on with his broken life. The blonde’s back hit onto the wall as he slid down, identical tears sliding down his face as well. With a distorted sob, Kise curled up in himself and wondered when (and if) he would remember his lover completely.

_“I wanted a single glimpse of you. I wanted a single word from you.”_

__

It wasn’t until much later when Kise recalled the discovery of the key he had been looking for the past three to four years. Much too eagerly, he dashed back into the house and slid the key into the lock. With a loud click, the door opened a bit, as if awaiting for someone to finally walk into the abandoned room. As Kise pushed the door all the way open, his excited, wide eyes dropped. He gaped openly. All of his forgotten memories until now finally hit him like a train.

_“In the fifteenth year, my memories returned. I remembered everything…”_

__

“Tetsuya…”

_“...and started to cry.”_

 

* * *

 ****  


“Tetsuyacchi!” Ryouta excitedly exclaimed, running up to his former mentor’s turned back. Instantly, the college student stopped, and the blonde easily caught up to the phantom. Panting slightly, Ryouta rose up from his hands on his knees position and glanced up with fond eyes at the love of his life. Tetsuya blinked, putting down his light novel and staring at the blonde with humor evident in those sky orbs Ryouta absolutely adored.

“Kise.” Ryouta pouted and clung onto the smaller form of his beloved.

“Call me Ryouta, Tetsucchi! Or even just Ryou!” He whined, nuzzling into the familiar vanilla scent that wafted off the lithe body in soothing waves. Tetsuya smiled, patting his friend’s arm.

“Ok, Ryouta-kun.” The blonde wrinkled his nose at the suffix, but beamed at his friend anyway.

“Better! Anyway... “ He nervously gulped and scuffed the ground with the tip of his shoe. Tetsuya watched with fond eyes and giggled behind his book. “I was wondering… If you were maybe free this weekend?” The blonde asked, his nerves jittery and on the edge. Tetsuya blinked his emotionless eyes and Ryouta inwardly squealed.

“Ryouta-kun… Are you asking me out on a date?” The taller male instantly froze, and he sweated bullets. Tetsuya knew better though, and he hid another small smile by looking to the side like he was indifferent. Ryouta, on the other hand, was screaming internally and he shut his eyes tight.

“Yes?” He awkwardly asked and winced, waiting for a sudden kick or punch to his gut. Instead, he was met with a soft, warm feeling on his cheek and a little chuckle coming from his crush.

“Alright.” Tetsuya answered simply, for he was a simple man who wondered what a beautiful model like Kise Ryouta would see in a normal, simple man like him. Little did he know, that was exactly the reason why Ryouta found him so intriguing and so lovable. The blonde always cherished the simple things in life, and he didn’t like the grand life of fame so much compared to standing side by side with his small crush (though he wouldn’t say that out loud, for he would literally be crushed).

“Really?” The model squawked in wonder, and his contagious grin grew wider and wider until Tetsuya feared his face would split and that would end his modeling career.

“Yes, really.” The smaller male rolled his eyes. Ryouta was too busy fangirling on the inside and before Tetsuya could add another snarky comment, his face was stuffed against a broad chest, and the blonde (in disguise by the way) chattered happily about the date and the time he would pick up his “Tetsuyacchi”.

“You won’t regret it, Tetsuyacchi!” Ryouta beamed down at the shorter male and Tetsuya felt heat bloom up on his face, like scarlet roses on a white canvas. The blonde marveled the soft cheeks with a matching blush on his face as well, and the two shyly waved “goodbye” to each other.

A successful date later, the two were announced to be dating, much to Aomine’s displeasure and Kagami’s disbelief. However, they couldn’t drag their previous shadow away from his loyal puppy like companion, and soon, the two were used to Ryouta planting delighted kisses on an indifferent Tetsuya’s face (though the small pink hues on his cheeks didn’t escape anyone’s eyes).

Ryouta absolutely loved Tetsuya, and he was grateful for the male loving him back just as much. The two held many differences within their personalities and traits, but that’s what they loved about their relationship so much. It wasn’t fake nor perfect, but their imperfections made their love for each other perfect. Ryouta admired Tetsuya’s strong will, determination, and heart, while Tetsuya secretly loved Ryouta’s loyalty, perceptiveness, and cunning streak. Tetsuya wasn’t as fragile as he looked and Ryouta wasn’t as stupid as he led on to be.

“I love you.” Ryouta would always declare, sometimes in bold, loud exclamations, and other times in secret, secluded areas in which the two would meet in a sweet kiss. Tetsuya would blush, but a smile would light up his face anyway.

“I know. I love you too.” He would never fail to answer, and Ryouta would beam down at him like he was the most precious thing to ever have in his life. And in return, Tetsuya would reserve his large smiles and grins for the blonde only, those sweet, upturned lips instantly melting into kisses as Ryouta would always end up jumping him.

 

 

* * *

 

_“I remembered…”_

__

“Hey, Tetsuyacchi.” The shorter male hummed in response, a bag of groceries in one hand as Ryouta swung their entwined hands back and forth in the other. “Are you free this weekend?” The blonde repeated his words from all those years ago, when he first asked his lover out on a date. The shorter male snorted, a small laugh escaping those pink lips. Ryouta smiled at the sound, knowing he accomplished his daily mission of making his lover smile and laugh.

“I’m afraid I’m not.” Ryouta gasped sharply, eliciting another peal of honey like laughter to spill from Tetsuya’s lips. “I’m already busy with a certain blonde idiot.” He teased, another small grin playing on those rose lips.

“Tetsuyacchi! Meanie!” The blonde wailed, crocodile tears streaming down his face as he heard his lover’s bell like laughter. Smiling inwardly, Ryouta continued his upset facade and slipped his fingers out of his lover’s hand. Tetsuya looked momentarily stunned, before a slight pout emerged on his face. Ryouta grinned and skipped over to the traffic lights, his eyes on his stunning phantom, a tiny, alluring smile on his face as the shorter one chased his partner down the sidewalk.

“Ryouta, please wait…” Tetsuya panted, his low stamina already kicking in. Ryouta paused, a thoughtful expression on his face before he stuck out his tongue childishly.

“Nope! You have to catch me, Tetsucchi!” Ryouta called out and without taking another look at the crosswalk, he began running out onto the street, his adrenaline pumping and causing him to act without thinking beforehand. A sharp gasp came from his lover’s lips.

Everything happened in slow motion, and the blonde’s head swung to the side in time to meet the bright, blinding lights of the car about to crash into him. He heard a scream of his name from the charming voice he loved to hear. Turning his head around, Ryouta caught a glimpse of his lover’s fearful face, which was a lot closer than he expected him to be, and then a jolt of his body as he was pushed by those pale, calloused hands he loved so much.

“TETSUYA!” He screeched, his cry hidden behind the sound of the tires relentlessly ramming against the smaller body. Ryouta froze, just as time seemed to do so for him. He trembled uncontrollably, eyes trained on the unmoving body in front of the car. Shouts were being exchanged between complete strangers, but all Ryouta could hear, see, feel was his lover’s fragile body, with red liquid pooling around it.

“Sir, sir, please calm down!” The blonde ignored the stranger, and pushed past the crowd after he felt his legs regain feeling in them again. There was someone screaming, someone very close, and he realized with a start that he was the one screaming.

“Get out of the way!” He screeched, despite the harsh sound ripping past his dry throat. He knelt down before the small body, eyes scanning over the other for any signs of movement, of breathing that would indicate that his lover was okay, that everything was going to be okay.

 _Everything is not okay._ His mind supplied to him, and in the background, loud sirens were alerting the presence of the ambulance, police force, and firefighters. Ryouta remained glued to the spot, as he stifled his wails behind his hands, which were covering his mouth.

“Tetsuya, please, please, _please_. I’m begging you. Please wake up.” A sharp cry escaped his mouth once more, and he slammed his hand against his mouth to stop the ugly tears and screaming that would undoubtedly come from his mouth.

“Tetsuya, please. I didn’t mean to--it was all a joke. I-I... “ Ryouta sobbed. He perked up when the body suddenly trembled, and a boisterous cough exited the bloody body.

“Ryou… R-Ryouta…” His lover whispered, and even in his rough shape, Ryouta thought it was the most lovely sound he would ever hear in his lifetime. The blonde inched closer, even when a paramedic yelped at him to back away.

“Yes, my love?” He asked, trying desperately to sound normal and like he wasn’t choking back tears. Dull sky eyes gazed up at him, and his lip trembled as sound was created from his lapis lips. They glimmered with water, with Ryouta’s tears that rained down upon the other’s pale face. Tetsuya shakily lifted his hand and the blonde clasped gently and firmly onto it.

“I-I… I…” Another cough racked his body, and Ryouta could feel someone impatiently tugging onto him, but the blonde couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel anything except torturing pain at the sight of his beloved, once so strong and tall, reduced and crumbled down to a dying man, who bled out in front of his lover’s eyes.

“Tetsuya… Don’t force yourself. You’ll get better, you’ll see. The paramedics are here. They’ll send you to Shintarou’s hospital and he’ll patch you up. You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” The blonde whispered soothingly, hoping his voice didn’t crack too much.

“Sir.” The pesty paramedic repeated, tugging harsher at the blonde’s sleeve. Ryouta ignored him, ignored all of the foreign sounds as he focused on his world with Tetsuya, their world. The phantom smiled hazily, his dry lips cracking up at the effort.

“I’m... Glad y-you’re safe…” Tetsuya mumbled, his voice dying at the end as he slumped back down, the same warm, comforting smile he always gave Ryouta on his lips as the male shut his eyes.

Ryouta couldn’t respond, his voice stuck in his throat and the paramedic finally tugging his stiff body away from the love of his life. The blonde was escorted to the back of the ambulance car, where he waited for Tetsuya to be rolled in with two other paramedics. Everything felt surreal, like some sort of nightmare Ryouta would wake up from and be greeted with that familiar, lovable bedhead and sleepy sapphire eyes. He blinked, only then realizing that a constant stream of water was dripping down his cheeks. He was oddly quiet, even as they drove away to the hospital, his eyes on his lover’s almost still body. He was still silent, even when he was directed to the waiting room, eyes cast to the whiteness of the floors and the death like silence ringing in his ears.

And he was still silent when Shintarou walked out, a grim look on his face as he announced Kuroko Tetsuya to be dead.

_“...that fifteen years ago, you died.”_   


“Tetsuya…” Kise muttered, feeling like he was the embodiment of sin. His knees gave way and the throbbing in his head couldn’t beat the pain in his heart. The blonde felt tears that welled up in his eyes finally trickle down his cold cheeks, and down onto the colder floor of Kuroko Tetsuya’s study room. An onslaught of fresh memories invaded his mind, of the vanilla scent that still lingered in the stuffy room, and how he had thrown away the key in a depressed fit of rage. It all started to come together and make sense, and Kise suddenly wished he still had his amnesia, so that he would forget the day he caused his lover’s death.

_“These love poems I’ve written for you… If I kept piling them up, would they ever reach you? I stacked them every day in that room that used to be yours. I couldn’t see you anymore and I kept loving you, but I thought someday, we’d meet again. And you’re not here anymore.”_

__

“Tetsuya… I’m so sorry…”

“These love poems I’ve written for you; I’ve been sending them for sixteen years, and still no reply… And still no reply…”

 ****  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Here is a link to the song if you want: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPAZO7PI7Y0
> 
> And here is the link to the USUK doujin if you want to read it??? : 
> 
> http://sweet-land-of-libertea.tumblr.com/post/31741389264/love-letters-to-him-usuk-translation
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! And I s2g I'm still working on "The Stars No Longer Shine In Your Eyes" but I just had this rotting away in my drafts so I finally got to finishing it! Thanks for the short ride!


End file.
